was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
