Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
