i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
