Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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