Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize