Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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