talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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