420 ftw
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
