i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
