I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
