Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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