Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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