So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
