Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I currently don't understand fingers.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
