My room smells like vodka and shame
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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