i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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