Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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