Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
