Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
