She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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