just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize