FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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