Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize