Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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