The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
