remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
