so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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