one might say we're banned from that church
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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