Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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