That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
