No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
