I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
