What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
