I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
