There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
