I am puke
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
