HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
a search helicopter?!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
