I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
