i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
