yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
