dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
