White coat. Heels.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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