Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
