so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
