On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize