At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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