lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
