haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
