Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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