I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
