the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
