How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
