There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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