Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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