Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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