Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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