if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
