I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think people are normalizing furries
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
