the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
