he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize