then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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