Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
