Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
