i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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