Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
