I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
