I faked an abortion last night.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
