It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
