A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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