She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
