I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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