Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
