belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
