I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
