We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
