i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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