I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
