we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
