this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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