How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
