i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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