while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
