WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think your dad took our porno
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
