Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
