I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
