You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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