Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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