NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
