and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When are your genitals available?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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