so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
