You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize