My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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