we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
