Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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