Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
