got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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